A LOST Scarytale
by Joet
Summary: Gather around boys and girls and I'll tell you a story. Warning: HumourFic


The Lost Characters DO NOT belong to me.

Before we begin:

This is my first fic. Ever.

I only character bash to hopefully get a laugh.

No, I don't REALLY think Boone is an idiot.

**A LOST SCAREYTALE**

Once upon a time, on an island far, far away there lived a beautiful young princess called Claire. Claire was kind hearted, funny and was also very pregnant. Claire had recently caught the eye of a young, scruffy, drug addicted prince called Charlie. But Claire had also caught the eye of the evil Queen Locke.

The evil Queen Locke was jealous of Claire's beauty and also secretly lonely, so Locke planned to capture Claire and keep the princess for himself. He planned to shut her away in the hatch so that he would be the prettiest one on the island and would also have someone to whine to when he was having a bad day.

So one day, when Claire was looking exceptionally pretty, Locke sent forth his evil henchman Ethan to kidnap Claire and imprison her beneath the hatch.

Now children, to continue with the story I must first take you back a few chapters and tell you of the deal struck between the evil queen and the young drug addicted prince. You see, the young prince was miserable and knew that the fair princess would never be interested in a stoner like him, so he made a deal with Locke that if he helped rid him of his drug problem then he would travel the island, singing songs of Locke's beauty. The evil queen Locke now had Charlie's trust which had been part of his master plan all along.

Now back to the present. The evil Ethan had found the prince and princess on the path to the beach. "Prepare to be kidnapped." The evil henchman said and promptly stole Claire away.

"How the bloody hell did he manage that?" The prince cried aloud "Since it was two against one."

But this is where the story darkens boys and girls, because it was at this time that queen Locke who Charlie trusted, had burst out of the bushes, jumped the poor prince, strung him up in the trees and left him for dead.

You see, the evil queen had to kill the prince off because he would ruin his plans for Claire and also because Charlie's songs sucked. Locke then returned to the caves and gathered a few of his subjects to aid him in a "search" for the missing pair.

If his plan worked they would be able to find no sign of Claire, because Ethan would've already had her locked away for him by now and sadly poor Charlie would be found dead. But this would still make Locke look good because he had tried so hard to get them back. His subjects would never suspect that he was responsible for all the nastiness.

The subjects that accompanied him on his search were the good knight Jack, Lady Kate and the last one was Boone the village idiot whose name had been drawn out of a hat but they had all decided he should go with them anyway because he didn't get out much.

Not long after they had begun their search, they decided they should split up into pairs so that they could cover more ground. Queen Locke paired up with Boone and deliberately went looking in the wrong direction, which was mean, but that's what evil people are like. Jack and Kate went off in the opposite direction.

Though two things happened then boys and girls, which Locke had not intended. Firstly, the evil Ethan had dragged the princess deep into the jungle and was about to toss her through the hatch head first, when he had a change of heart.

"You are far too pretty to be locked away." He told Claire and he released her. "Go and hide in the jungle until all this blows over and to fool the evil queen I shall lock a hairy Scotsman down there in your place."

Secondly, Jack and Lady Kate found the poor dead prince, but because the good knight was knowledgeable in CPR he was able to revive him and drag him back to the caves.

Locke and Boone the village idiot bumped into Claire out in the jungle.

"Oh bugger, you found me!" the fair princess exclaimed.

Now, because Boone witnessed this and Locke didn't have the time to kill him right now, Locke had to pretend to be happy about finding Claire and take her back to the caves. Though on the way back, when Boone wasn't looking, Locke smacked Claire around the head a few times so that she was confused and wouldn't remember Locke's involvement in her kidnapping and attempted imprisonment.

Queen Locke was mad that he had been betrayed by his evil henchman but to top that off he returned to find the prince alive and a hairy scary man now living in his hatch. So by the end of the afternoon Locke was just plain pissed off.

Because the young, scruffy, not-so-long-ago drug addicted prince was confused and still going through the last stages of his withdrawal, he didn't remember the evil queen's attempt to murder him and instead mistakenly blamed Ethan.

So children, thanks to Charlie and also some nasty rumours started by the evil queen Locke, a small mob formed and after fetching their torches and pitchforks, they ventured into the jungle, tracked down Ethan and killed him.

Charlie buried Ethan on another part of the beach but not before giving people the chance to pay two dollars to poke his body with a stick.

After they believed they had killed the one responsible for the nastiness, life on the island pretty much went back to normal. The prince and princess settled down, the good knight Jack was hailed as a hero (again) and queen Locke went back to being jealous and secretly lonely.

The evil queen had already started thinking up another plan to steal away the princess and keep her for himself, but that would have to wait because before he could try again he first had to get the hairy scary Scotsman out of his hatch.

The End.


End file.
